Monday, March 23, 2015

IFAQ: For Parliament

In-Frequently Asked Questions For Parliament:

Questions that you wanted to hear a straight answer to, but you asked someone in politics.

  • Q: How much Safer would the right to bear guns make Canada? The News says they will make it a lot safer.
-- Mr. Hocke R. Schmokes,  Duntown T'rana, Candadadadadadadadadadadada

  • A: Dear Mr./Mrs. Mr. H. Schmokes, the current opinion of 13 people (aged 8-80) is that "yes, it would!" This is based on 37 polls, during the last 20 years, on several different issues. In all of these cases, the only catalogued answers were "yes".

  • Q: Living in the Antarctic, I'm concerned how much will my taxes go up when Bill C-51 passes?
-- Ms. Annie Of Antarctica, The Arctic, Antarctica

  • A: Dear Mr./Mrs. A. Antarctica, At this point in time, we have primarily scientific stakes in Antarctica, so you won't have to worry about this 'Tentative Bill'.

  • Q: I've heard that Bill C-51 will take away jobs from normal people in the work place, like me! I've also heard that it gives the police the ability to use postal drones to arrest homeless people, drunk drivers, and riffraff without any details. Is this true?
-- Mrs. Henry Junior, Middle City, Canada

  • A: Dear  Mr./Mrs. H. Junior, it is our opinion that Bill C-51 will not raise taxes in our plans for raising taxes in our expansion of Iraq.

  • Q: Wonder me this:  Who would win in a fight Batman, or Lego Batman?
-- The Wondering Wonderer, Got Ham City, Hamerica

  • A: Dear Mr./Mrs. W. Wonderer, we would like to inform you that you have sent this question to the incorrect division. You must resend it to the "Questions about Batman and Lego" division, located it Saskartoon.

  • Q:  Where can I just stand around like this?
-- Mr. Lingering Loiterson, Lazyton, Canadeja vu

  • A: Dear Mr. / Mrs. L. Loiterson, this Party's  position on loitering is that it's bad. Please do not loiter.

  • Q: How much money will Alberta make on gas rebates, for that matter the other provinces and territories?

-- Mrs. Doubting Bethany, Moneytreal, Queebeck

  • A: Dear Mr. / Mrs. D. Bethany, That information is not public domain.

  • Q: My internet stopped working, so I couldn't send this email. That is to say, I couldn't send the finished vers--
-- -------------

  • A: Yes.

  • Q: I heard that the CBC would be filming some films about Hinterland Who's Who. Who will be starring in it?
-- Mr. Doug Rocks, Badlands, Alberta

  • A: Dear Mr. / Mrs. D. Rocks, This government does not comment on rumours.

  • Q: It's officially spring, but there's still snow. What is the Government going to do about it?
-- Mrs. Fanny Angryoni, Super Nova Scotia, Canoodle

  • A: Dear Mr. / Mrs. F. Angryoni, the Canadian Government is putting all resources into fighting the snow disasters on the east coast. We've even put zambonis on the streets. Be warned, there may be more ice than normal

  • Q: When does my favourite band play?
-- Mr. Antsy Pantine, Panoka, Alberta

  • A: Dear Mr. / Mrs.  A. Pantine, Your government does not comment on rumours.

  • Q: Bonjour, no?
-- Mr. Theodore Backwash, Limp Noodle, Labradore

  • A: Dear Mr. / Mrs. T. Backwash, Oui.

  • Q: I've just found out that this week is the last week to sign up at the Target's going away sale. Is this true?

-- Mrs. Sally Sellers, Tent, Canadate

  • A: Dear Mr. / Mrs. Sellers, Target Canada will no longer exist at the end of April. Zellers Will return, and this is based on analytical statistics.

  • Q: I want to ask a question. How?
-- Hon. Steve J. Harper, PC Party, Ottawa
  • A: Send your questions to or, if you feel lucky,  You could also try emailing any other of the "Staff" at Jilly Boscuit. No matter where you live, Mexico, the badlands, or Saskatchewan, I can receive one of your internet emails. 

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